The 33D Invader
蜜桃成熟时33D
Hong Kong, 2011, colour, 2.35:1, 82 mins.
Director: Qian Wenqi 钱文锜 [Chin Man-kei].
Rating: 3/10.
Lame softcore sex comedy is of interest only for its newcomer lead.
STORY
Hong Kong, 2011. A young woman, Future (Wu Qingqing), has been sent back in time by the United Nations from the year 2046 to get pregnant by a healthy man and thereby extract his genes to repopulate Earth, as 99% of men have been made infertile by radiation attacks from the planet Xucker. Two assassins from Xucker (Kato Taka, Xue Yawen) are sent after her to stop the mission. Future arrives, naked, in the bedroom of Lang (Chen Junyan), who shares a seaside house with three other students at IT University – Feichai (Zhang Jiansheng), geeky Dansan (Guo Hanzhu) and tubby Xing (Xu Haochang). They’re obsessed by four sexy students at the same university who share a house next door: law student Qianqian (Yoshizawa Akiho), who fancies Lang; her faculty colleague Zhenzhen (Lin Yizhi); the flirtatious Xixi (Chen Zhiying); and the virginal Miya (Li Kezhu). When Future tells Lang her story, he refuses to sleep with her as he likes Qianqian; but he promises to help Future find a healthy mate at the university. Meanwhile, Qianqian has spotted Lang with Future and thinks she’s been dumped. Her three friends decide to lure Future and Lang’s friends away from their house one evening, so Qianqian can have some quality time alone with Lang. All goes well until the two Xucker assassins arrive on the scene.
REVIEW
Though the Chinese title (literally, “When the Honey Peach Is Ripe, 33D”) is a direct rip-off of that for the Category III Crazy Love 李丽珍 蜜桃成熟时 (1993) that launched the soft-porn phase of the career of actress Li Lizhen 李丽珍 [Loletta Lee], there’s nothing else in common between the two movies apart from their classifications. Where Crazy Love at least had some production values, The 33D Invader 蜜桃成熟时33D has almost none of note, although the widescreen photography by Hong Kong-based Australian d.p. Ross Clarkson (Victim 目露凶光, 1999; The Forbidden Legend: Sex & Chopsticks 金瓶梅, 2008) is clean enough – and briefly deluxe-erotic near the end – and the basic visual effects for the sci-fi bits do the job.
The biggest disappointment about 33D is that it doesn’t follow the lead taken by 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy 3D肉蒲团之极乐宝鉴 in reviving over-the-top Category III sexploitationers – especially as director Qian Wenqi 钱文锜 [Chin Man-kei] has a long history in this stuff, starting with Sex & Zen II 玉蒲团2之玉女心经 (1996) and continuing with Crazy Love‘s two sequels. Essentially, 33D is a harmless, silly-arse Cantonese youth comedy with lots of nudity and a couple of gross-out visual gags, and doesn’t deserve its Category III status compared with the genuine sex-and-violence shockers of the 1990s.
In a cast heavily populated by Taiwan babes, a Taiwan male lead (Chen Junyan 陈俊言) and two Japanese AV icons (Yoshizawa Akiho 吉沢明歩, unremarkable here, and Kato Taka 加藤鹰, snarling as a bad guy), Mainland newcomer Wu Qingqing 吴晴晴, 25, makes the biggest impression, with an interesting face atop a lithe body and a likeably light touch as the “invader” sent from an infertile future to get impregnated by healthy male genes. Most of the rest of the cast mug through the feeble script, with Guo Hanzhu 郭汉柱 doing a tubby take-off of Zhou Xingchi 周星驰 [Stephen Chow] and veteran Luo Jiaying 罗家英 [Law Kar-ying] showing up as a detective in sunglasses. Among the bouncing-bikini cast, Taiwan’s Chen Zhiying 陳芝穎 emerges the winner, as a lynx-eyed flirt who can’t get enough. At the end of the day, the best thing about 33D, apart from Hubei-born model Wu, is its title.
CREDITS
Presented by My Way Film (HK). Produced by My Way Film (HK).
Script: Chen Shangcun. Photography: Ross Clarkson. Editing: Li Jiarong. Music: Zhang Wenhui, Lian Jiajun. Art direction: Li Weizhong. Costumes: Li Weizhong. Action: Li Dachao. Visual effects: Mo Haoxin, Cao Zhanneng (Big Label Creation).
Cast: Wu Qingqing (Weilai/Future), Chen Junyan (Lang/Lawrence), Yoshizawa Akiho (Qianqian/Jeana), Kato Taka (Xucker male assassin), Liang Zhuoman (Cheng/Sean), Guo Hanzhu (Dansan/Danson), Zhang Jiansheng (Feichai/Felix), Xu Haochang (Xing/Stephen), Lin Yizhi (Zhenzhen/Jane), Chen Zhiying (Xixi/Ceci), Li Kezhu (Miya/Mia), Xue Yawen (Xucker female assassin), Luo Jiaying [Law Kar-ying] (Tu Ying/Bald Eagle/Hawk, police detective), Gill Mohindepaul Singh (university professor).
Release: Hong Kong, 6 Oct 2011.
(Review originally published on Film Business Asia, 12 Apr 2012.)